Just Own It!

I hope you had a nice Memorial Day Weekend.  I got to spend some time with our kids and a bunch of their friends, which was awesome, and which also created the circumstances that led to this message.

There was a moment during the weekend when I had some expectations in my mind of the way one of the evenings was going to unfold, which turned out to not go as expected.  When I became aware of the change in plans that required me shifting my expectations, I reacted poorly toward one of my kids. I spoke from the place of disappointment in needing to adjust my expectations, but it came across as disappointment toward them. Of course, that was not what I meant and when I realized how my reaction was being perceived, I Owned up to not handling that well. I did my best to explain my perspective related to needing to adjust my expectations, and that clarity brought resolution to the situation.  In the grand picture of things it wasn't a very big incident at all, but it reminded me of the importance of being willing to Just Own It whenever we realize we have been a contributor to a misunderstanding, especially if it may include the possibility of someone else being hurt by our words or actions.

In contrast, I was talking with a leader last week who was working through two difficult situations with teammates. In each situation they were doing their best to Own their part, but the other parties handled their situations in very different ways. In one of the relationships, the other party was quick to Own the part they played in the situation too. They had a deep but hard conversation together, and it actually created a greater sense of trust and resilience in their relationship as a result. In the other situation, the leader Owned their part, but the other party acted as if they were completely innocent and didn't need to take any personal responsibility for anything. In that case, the leader I was working with felt like they couldn't really have an honest conversation, so trust was actually eroded in the relationship. This leader and I chatted about the contrast between the two relationships and how different they were when we are willing to Just Own It!

It's important at this point to acknowledge that we don't actually have control over whether someone else is going to Own their part or not. And there are times when there may not be much for someone else to own (like in my situation this weekend - that was primarily on me!). But if we aren't willing to take control of what we can, ourselves, and Just Own our part, we certainly won't move forward with greater trust and resilience. And when we do Own our part, it often creates an opportunity for the other party to Own their part too, which can lead to growth for all of us.

What does it look like to Just Own It in your life and work? Do you need to take responsibility for a mistake you made and do your best to correct it? If you have a situation in which you think the other party has most of the Owning to do, how could you take control of yourself and Own whatever part you may have played which contributed to the situation? Is there a relationship where a hard conversation might be really productive, and how could you lean into that conversation from this place of Ownership and curiosity?

Here's to being willing to Just Own It this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Authentic!

I had at least three different conversations last week that included some aspect of, "What does it mean to be authentic?"  That seems like a great question, so of course it's made its way into our message this week!  

What does it mean to be Authentic?

It means to be true to my unique self with all of my strengths, gifts, and challenges. It's about accepting myself for who I am with grace and honesty.  It is also a willingness to allow others to be their unique selves with all of their strengths, gifts, and challenges. Being Authentic recognizes that I am designed in a unique way and that is not the same way that others are designed.  So being Authentic means I give permission for others to see and approach the world differently than me. 

To be Authentic means I get to be me, and I also create room for you to be you!

What doesn't it mean to be Authentic?

It's not an excuse for bad behavior or an unwillingness to grow. Knowing who I am and working to understand who you are takes into consideration that we are also dynamic people who are on a journey of growth (hopefully).  As a result, I don't get to use being Authentic as some kind of excuse for poor behavior.

Several years ago, I was part of a group that included an elderly man who was often rude and mean.  When he was confronted with that behavior he responded by saying that was just the way he was made.  He used "I'm just being Authentic" as an excuse to act poorly and treat people with great unkindness.  That's not real Authenticity because to be truly Authentic means we know we are all a dynamic work in progress.

To be Authentic means we don't use Authenticity as an excuse for bad behavior and an unwillingness to grow and change.

In what ways are you doing your best to be Authentic? Can you be gracefully honest about your strengths, gifts, and challenges?  Are you making room for others to be their Authentic selves too? Are there certain situations or relationships that temp you to use Authenticity as an excuse for poor behavior and a lack of growth? How could you approach those circumstances with a healthy sense of being Authentic?

Here's to being Authentic with ourselves and others this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Next Step

I recently attended a conference where one of the speakers referenced the phrase, "A long obedience in the same direction." This quote is first attributed to the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, but was also picked up by an author in the Christian tradition, Eugene Peterson, who wrote a book he titled with that exact phrase. Of course, many of us may know this idea better from the more modern philosopher, Dore' in Finding Nemo, who said, "Just keep swimming!"

No matter which philosopher you choose, the principle this is trying to teach and the point the speaker at my conference was trying to make is the same - perseverance makes a big impact on our lives.  Our ability to continue to keep taking small, incremental steps in the same direction is what will eventually help us accomplish what might seem like unattainable and even very distant goals. It can become even more challenging when we think about it in terms of the total distance or the larger objective, because it's hard to see how we are going to get there. But, if we can remember that the whole journey is made up of many small, Next Steps, it will help us to just keep swimming!

New fact about my life - my dad was a part of the team that invented the round baler system - you know all those round bales that you see in the fields?  I don't think I really appreciated the significance of that work and his accomplishment when I was a teenager. It's just what my dad did - worked on balers. Boring! But as an adult I have a different perspective on the amount of work, invention, and problem solving that went into that project. In reflection, I can see that he didn't wake up one day with the whole idea and design completely worked out in his head.  He had the seed of an idea and then just started working toward it, one step at a time, solving one problem at a time, tackling the next part of the design they needed that eventually allowed them to complete the entire project. It took years, and it happened by taking each Next Step as it came.

What are you facing in your personal life or in your leadership life that feels like a monumental task? How could you apply this approach of just taking the very Next Step to that situation? Perhaps you're so focused on the whole thing that it's preventing you from even being able to see the Next Step? How could you adjust your focus, so you shifted your attention to looking for just the Next Step, not the whole thing?  When you can see the Next Step, what will it take to lean in and just take it?

Here's to taking the Next Step this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.