Stoic Self-Discipline

I was chatting with a friend last week and we were talking about a project he is working on related to trying to get better control of his time.  He works in a job that has lots of moving parts and his email and phone can beep and ring at any minute, shifting his attention to something “more pressing.” We talked about some strategies for managing his calendar and ways to navigate the “emergencies” that pop up so that he is working to be more proactive rather than reactive in his weekly schedule.  

I have to admit, it wasn’t a conversation just for him! So much of our chat resonated in my own heart and life too.

Our discussion was primarily driven by our desire to be people who live from our values, trying to live with some real intention and purpose in our lives.  This is what’s at the heart of the fourth pillar of Stoicism: Self-Discipline. While I have enjoyed thinking about the three previous pillars of Stoicism during this series, Wisdom, Justice, and Fortitude, this fourth pillar seems to really hit home for me.

The Stoics didn't think of Self-Discipline as harsh self-control or deprivation. They understood it as the practice of aligning our actions with our deeper values, which actually creates more freedom, not less. When my friend and I choose to react to all of the pop-ups in our lives rather than focus on being proactive, we aren’t really choosing freedom—we are choosing the path of least resistance. But that choice takes us away from something we actually value more: the satisfaction of working with greater purpose and alignment. Self-Discipline, in the Stoic sense, would be choosing to honor that deeper value even when the easier option is to react to the pop-ups.

I’m sure it’s not hard for you to imagine that these kinds of conversations happen regularly with leaders. They say they value being present with their teams, but then admit they check emails during one-on-one meetings. Or they'll say work-life balance is important, but they often work late and miss family dinners or activities. And I resonate with every one of those conversations! It’s not that we're bad people—we’re just choosing the immediate over the important.

The beautiful thing about Self-Discipline is that it's not about perfection. It's about practice. When I catch myself reacting instead of focusing with purpose, I try not to beat myself up. Instead, I work to notice it, remember my deeper intentions and values, and make a different choice the next day (or hour!). Some days I succeed, some days I don't, but the practice itself is what builds the muscle.

Self-Discipline is the daily practice of choosing what matters most, even when what matters least is easier.

What deeper values do you hold that aren't always reflected in your daily choices? Where in your life could practicing Self-Discipline actually create more freedom and alignment? Is there a small, daily practice you could commit to that would help you live more in line with who you want to be?

Here's to practicing Self-Discipline like a Stoic this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation. 

Stoic Fortitude

A couple weeks ago we started a 4 part series on the Four Pillars of Stoicism: Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude, & Self-Discipline. So far we've examined Stoic Wisdom and Stoic Justice. This week we'll take some time to reflect on Stoic Fortitude.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it felt like everything that could go wrong, did go wrong?! An unpredictable work situation; a phone call about a family circumstance that required immediate attention; and then top it off with a car break down! The frustration levels just keep growing, and our first reaction is to try and control all the outcomes that are clearly beyond our actual control!

This is where the third pillar of Stoicism: Fortitude, can be extremely helpful. The Stoics understood Fortitude not just as toughness or grit, but as the wisdom to focus our energy on what we actually have control over, and the courage to let go of what we don't (sound familiar?).

Those chaotic weeks are the perfect opportunity to practice this ancient wisdom. We might not be able to control the work situation, but we can control what adjustments we can make in response. We can't control the family crisis, but we can decide how we want to show up to support the people we love. We may have done all the preventative maintenance necessary on our car, but in that moment, we still can't control it breaking down. What we can do is decide how we talk to the tow truck driver and how we work to figure out alternative transportation.

Fortitude is about recognizing the difference between what happens TO us and what happens THROUGH us. We don't get to choose many of the circumstances we face, but we always get to choose our response. This isn't about being stoic in the "emotionless" sense that people sometimes think of—it's about channeling our emotional energy toward the things we can actually influence.

I was coaching someone last month who was frustrated with a coworker who constantly interrupted in meetings. We spent time exploring what was within her control: she could speak with the person privately, she could address it in the moment during meetings, or she could adjust how she communicated her ideas to be more concise. What wasn't in her control was whether that person would actually change their behavior. Fortitude meant focusing her energy on her own actions rather than trying to control someone else's.

Fortitude is learning to put our energy where it can actually make a difference.

What situations in your life are draining your energy because you're trying to control things that are beyond your influence? Where could you redirect that energy toward something you actually have power over? Is there a relationship or work challenge where practicing Fortitude might help you feel more grounded and effective?

Here's to practicing Stoic Fortitude this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Stoic Justice

Last week we started a 4 part series on the Four Pillars of Stoicism: Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude, & Self-Discipline. In particular, we looked at Stoic Wisdom and its ability to help us see more clearly. This week we'll take some time to reflect on Stoic Justice.

When we think about justice we might initially think of courtrooms and legal systems, but for the Stoics, justice was about treating others with generosity, kindness, and respect—and having the courage to act on those values even when it's inconvenient. 

For example, I was recently in line at my local Target and watched as the person working the checkout treated everyone with the same kindness and dignity, regardless of what they were buying, what they looked like, or how they acted.  They approached their job with a level of foundational respect for each person they helped, even when there were some "challenges" in the process.

When I think about Justice like this, it makes me realize how often I have opportunities to practice it in small ways throughout my week. When a teammate is struggling with a project, do I offer assistance or just feel grateful it's not my problem? When someone shares a different perspective in a meeting, do I listen with genuine curiosity or immediately start formulating my counter-argument? When I see someone being treated unfairly, do I find a way to speak up or do I stay silent to avoid conflict?

The person at Target could have taken a very different approach (especially with a few of those folks!), and probably felt justified in thinking it was their right to give the customers some of their own medicine! But Justice, in the Stoic sense, isn't about what we're required to do or what we think is fair—it's about what we can do to make our little corner of the world more kind and generous.

Stoic Justice is the daily practice of treating others the way they deserve to be treated as fellow human beings. 

Notice there is a period at the end of that sentence! In other words, we treat them with dignity and respect as fellow humans, regardless of how they may be acting.

Where in your life do you have opportunities to practice Justice in small ways? Is there a situation at work or in your relationships where you could step forward to help create more kindness or generosity? What would it look like to have the courage to do what's right, even when it might be uncomfortable or inconvenient?

Here's to practicing Justice in the small moments this week!

Be Well

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation