EQ & Relationship Management - Part 1

Happy Monday!

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!

Last week we reflected on Social Awareness as it relates to organizational and team morale, and reminded ourselves that the biggest question in morale is, “What impact am I making on morale?” Today, I want to share some initial thoughts on the fourth layer of Emotional Intelligence - Relationship Management.

A little recap may help. As we become more aware of our own emotions (Self-Awareness), and we begin to learn how to manage those personal emotions (Self-Management), we also become more aware of the emotions of those around us and that their emotions and our emotions, interconnect (Social Awareness). With this growing awareness of the interconnectedness of all of our emotions, it’s possible to learn and grow in our ability to have significant impact on how those connections unfold (Relationship Management).

The first thing we must notice in this area, is that this is about wielding influence, not manipulation or control. We can only control ourselves, not anyone else, despite what we may wish! For example, if we are in a difficult conversation and we say, “You made me feel….” that isn’t actually accurate. What’s really true is, the other person’s words/emotions/actions created a reaction in me, but I am in charge of what I am going to do with those reactions and how I am going to feel about them. We don’t control others and they don’t control us, but we certainly do have a significant impact and influence on one another. That means we must be very careful with that influence!

We can attempt to use our influence to manipulate another person into doing what we want, but none of us appreciate being manipulated, so we want to avoid that if possible. That’s why one of the guides I try and employ for myself is to ask the question, “How can I use my influence in a way that is honoring? To them? To myself? To the situation?” Put another way, “I am going to have an impact with my influence, so how can I work to make sure my impact is positive and honoring in this situation?”

There are a few more layers with Relationship Management I want to cover, but we’ll save that for next week. In the meantime, perhaps we can all consider how our influence is honoring? To others? To Ourselves? To the situation?

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

EQ & Social Awareness - MORALE!

Happy Monday!

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!

Last week we reflected on Social Awareness as it relates to individuals connecting with other individuals. Today, I want to share some thoughts on Social-Awareness as it relates to organizations and teams.

In the same way we use the tools of empathy to become socially aware of the emotions of individuals around us, teams and organizations can also have a sense of collective emotion. Often this is referred to as morale or chemistry.

I’m a pretty big San Francisco Giants fan. When they were on their streak of winning 3 world series titles in the span of 5 years, we heard some regular messages. “We have a really great sense of team chemistry right now. There’s a great feel in the clubhouse.”

Morale is the term we usually use for this in the work world. We hear things like, “Morale is low. Morale is starting to improve. Morale seems good right now.”

One of the most important facets of this type of social awareness is realizing there isn’t any one factor that contributes to organizational morale or team chemistry. In fact, it is often a result of many, often small factors, which no one person or individual has the capacity to single-handedly change. But all of those individual choices make a collective impact.

This is why I believe the most important question every member of a team or organization can ask related to morale is, What impact am I making on morale? How are my small decisions impacting it? Am I mostly communicating in negative ways with others around me, or am I working to communicate in positive ways? Is morale improving or getting worse, and how may I be contributing to that movement?

No one person carries the full weight of any organization’s morale, but as a part of the team, it’s critical that I recognize I am certainly one of the factors that is making an impact.

What impact am I making on morale, and is it the impact I want to be making?

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

EQ & Social Awareness

Happy Monday!

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!

Today I want to share some thoughts on the third component of EQ, Social-Awareness.

Our journey of growing our EQ begins with becoming more aware of our emotions and their impact on us (Self-Awareness), followed by learning how to personally manage those emotions (Self-Management). Next, we focus our attention on the emotions that others are having around us. This is Social Awareness.

Now, it might seem rather obvious that Social Awareness is all about paying attention to other people’s emotions, but this is actually harder than it might seem. Allow me to mention 2 critical components in this work.

First, is empathy. Again, this might seem like a no-brainer, but the essence of empathy isn’t just noticing another person’s emotion. True empathy is about imagining what it might be like to be in that person’s situation and authentically feel with them what they may be feeling. It is more than sympathy (feeling for another), and is about joining with them in their emotion.

Second, is assuming. One of the critical mistakes we often make in growing our Social Awareness is that we assume we know what the other person is feeling. We imagine what it might be like to be in their situation and we project our own emotions into the situation rather than asking them what they are truly feeling. By asking rather than assuming, it's easier to identify with them from their perspective.

If you’ve ever had any type of motivational interviewing training, this may sound familiar! Authentic Social Awareness happens when we take the time to really listen to others and do our best to join with them where they are, in their space and frame of reference, including, and often most importantly, their emotional space. This is where one of my favorite phrases comes in handy - “Tell me more.” It’s an invitation to listen and learn from another, so we can join with them in their space!

Next week I want to share another layer of Social Awareness related to organizational awareness and morale, but for this week let’s see if we can enter into common space with those who are around us!

“Tell me more!”

Be Well,

Stephen