The Suffering Olympics

Last week I focused on one of the pitfalls of comparing ourselves and our lives to the “shiny” world of social media. This week I want to focus on another dangerous comparison game we can sometimes play - comparative suffering.

The Urban Dictionary has a term and definition for this - The Suffering Olympics: The pointless endeavor of comparing different tragedies or histories of oppression to one another by attempting to quantify the suffering and/or injustice of each, so as to determine which tragedy was more tragic, or which oppressed peoples were more unjustly oppressed.

Please understand, I am not in ANY way attempting to diminish the authentic suffering that individuals and groups encounter. Sometimes it is actually quite easy to identify real suffering, especially when it is happening to us or to people we love and care about. The danger of competing in the Suffering Olympics comes when we are using it as a way to justify just how bad our suffering is, like it’s some kind of an award to win! Suffering is actually a universal reality. It's impossible to exist in this world and not experience suffering of some kind, and the truth is, regardless of how my suffering may compare to yours, my suffering is authentic to me. It's real, and it is making an impact on me.

Since this is true, the most important question then becomes, how am I going to respond to this suffering I am experiencing? And a powerful second question is, how do I want to support you in whatever suffering you may be experiencing? When we can remove ourselves from the Suffering Olympics, we can shift our attention to responding to it in healthy ways in us, and supportive ways in others.

Where have you been tempted to compete in the Suffering Olympics? What would it look like for you to shift from trying to compare your suffering to the suffering of others, and instead figure out how to respond in healthy ways to your own challenges, and supportive ways to the pain and hardship of those around you?

Here's to not winning the Suffering Olympics!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Your Shine is a Little Dull!

I have a confession to make - I like social media. It’s fun to get updates from people who I may not be able to see or connect with on a regular basis. But, I also have to confess, I think it may be inadvertently causing us some harm. For the most part, social media world is what I would call our “shiny” space. We post our pictures and updates of all the fun and wonderful things in our lives - our beautiful vacations, our wonderful partners, our incredible children and grandchildren - and everything always appears to be just so shiny! In the social media world - everything looks perfect and beautiful. Now I know I am overgeneralizing, and there are times when we post about hardships or difficulties, but for the most part (me included), our tendency is to post the bright and shiny spaces of our lives. The danger with this is, it can give all of us a biased perspective on what “normal life” looks like. We see everyone’s shiny lives and begin to think that is what normal is supposed to look like. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and comparison, especially for those who may be struggling in their own lives. It’s important to remember that social media is just a highlight reel and not an accurate representation of real life, just a slice of life that’s mostly shiny. I believe the antidote for this is making sure we have people we can connect with who are willing to see and accept us in the moments when our shine is a little dull. People we can be authentic and vulnerable with who are willing to stick with us even when it’s not a “postable” day! These relationships help to ground us in a more realistic reality, and they can keep us from feelings of not measuring up to a shiny reality that isn't fully accurate. Who are your “non-shiny” people? Those friends or family members who help to keep you grounded and aren't going to walk away when your shine might be a little dull? How could your relationships grow even more authentic if you thanked them for being who they are in your life? Here’s to admitting our shine is a little dull!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

With Kindness!

I work with a really great organization whose mission statement begins with the phrase, “With kindness….” I also work in another capacity that requires a lot of interfacing with the public. So, it is with a great deal of certainty and experience that I can say, choosing an attitude of kindness makes a significant impact!

I think it is critical that we notice that previous statement, “choosing an attitude of kindness.” When I am working in my role with the public, if someone comes up to me who is choosing kindness, it impacts me. In fact, it can significantly alter my own perspective if it happens right after I encountered someone who wasn’t choosing kindness! The choice of each individual makes a difference.

It’s also important to recognize that the place of greatest choice isn’t dependent on what others do, but on how

I choose to respond. While I may be tempted to respond to someone’s unkindness with some of my own, often if I choose kindness in that situation, my choice makes a significant impact. While it may not change them, it certainly helps me feel better than if I meet their unkindness in a like-for-like way.

With this background of choosing to act with kindness in mind, I offer the following ideas as jump starters to the way “With Kindness” matters.

With Kindness we can:

Make someone’s day

Disagree

Show someone love

Have a hard conversation

Disarm unkindness

Find gratitude

Build trust

Strengthen relationships

Create a positive work environment

What ideas come to your mind, and how can you choose to act with kindness today?

“With Kindness we can…!”

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.