Safety Valve!

I'm not sure if you can imagine this, but I have had several conversations in the past week (including with myself!) about the need to blow off some steam. For many of us, that phrase is all about what we need to do with our emotions so they don't get the best of us, but I am old enough to understand where that phrase originated!  

Caution: Nerd Alert!

Before the invention of the combustion engine, most everything that was powered used a steam engine.  You've probably seen an old steam locomotive where fire is used to heat up water, turning it into steam. That steam gets stored in pressurized tanks and then released in streams that have enough force to push parts, that move other parts, that make the locomotive move. 

Before you stop reading, there is another very important part attached to those pressured tanks that keep them from blowing up - the pressure release valve, or Safety Valve.  Basically, if the pressure in the tank gets too high, this valve is triggered and "blows off some steam" so the whole thing doesn't explode.  

Now that you've had a lesson on steam engines (in case you didn't know already), you see where I am going with all of this. We all need a Safety Valve in our lives - ways in which we can blow off some steam so we don't actually blow up!

What are the kinds of practices you use as a Safety Valve to keep you from exploding? Are there people you have in your life who function as a Safety Valve for you - people you know will hold safe space for you while you blow off some steam, knowing they won't take it personally and will keep your confidence? How could you be a Safety Valve for someone else this week who just needs to vent so they don't explode themselves?  

Let's be honest, it sure feels like the pressure around us is continuing to build, so no matter what tools we use, or who we talk to, it's important we all take advantage of our healthy Safety Valves!

Here's to using, and being, a Safety Valve this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Seeing Them!

Ok. You know how this works. I have some chats with various people. Read some stuff. Hear something interesting. Then those threads come together into a central idea that I share here with you!  So of course it happened again, and it feels timely this week.

I don't know if you realize this, but we are on the eve of an election here in the US?! In case you weren't aware, there has been this interesting phenomenon in the past several election cycles here in our country (and it actually runs deeper than that in history) where the division and animosity has ramped up and escalated to what feels like epic proportions. Now, we could spend a ton of time looking for the root causes and trying to place blame, but that would be an exercise in futility (in my mind anyway). What I think is more important, is to acknowledge that what has resulted in almost every corner of this process is the "other" has become a "them."  What I mean by that is we've stopped seeing people who have names and hopes and dreams, and we've reduced them to "the other side" or some ideology, or we've lumped them together into some other generic category. For example, it seems rather tragic that we've heard the term "garbage" thrown around by people on both sides of the US political aisle in reference to people on the "other side." 

While we could spend a lot of time trying to figure out "Who started it?" that would most likely only result in a never-ending circle of, "Yeah, but they...!"  or "Yeah, but you....!"  What I am most interested in is how I can be part of ending this awful cycle.  And to be clear, I don't think the results of an election are somehow going to magically make it all go away. I think it actually starts with individual choices, in individual relationships. It has to start with me. In other words, I can't change the national conversation (or even the one in my local city or county by myself), but I CAN do something about how I See Them.  I can decide they are a person with a name and a story, rather than just someone in that group with a predetermined ideology. I can attempt to be curious and at least start by wondering what their hopes and dreams are and how we might be able to find some common ground together in our humanness.  

Please understand, I think I am probably writing this message to myself this week more than I am writing it to you. It's so easy for me to fall into this trap of dehumanizing the "other" and to just stop Seeing Them.  But I want to be someone who Sees THEM - a person with a name and a story and a history and hopes and dreams, even if those may not line up with my desires. They are still someone, and I want to be the kind of person in the world who is actually trying to See Them.

With all the tension and anxiety in the air right now, would you be willing to join me in trying to See Them? Is there someone who comes to your mind that you could wonder about with curiosity, considering what might be in their story that may be contributing to their perspective? Is there someone you are tempted to refer to with a "name" other than their actual name, and could you start by just refusing to use that derogatory term and only refer to them by their actual name?

I'm going to do my best to See Them this week. Would you join me?

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Perspective

I found the following quote a while back (wish I had written down where it came from!) and have been reflecting on it quite a bit recently.

"People see the results of my decisions but they don't see the choices I was faced with."

I know! It's good, right?!?

It's made me think a lot about perspective lately.  We all have our own unique perspectives and so much of the time we tend to look at others through the lens of our perspective. We think about the kinds of choices they have made through our own lens, which often lead us into a judgmental space toward them. But when we see them only from our perspective, we usually are only seeing the results of their decisions and not really considering the choices they were faced with in the process. 

And then I came across this picture. 

If we were walking down this street together and were told we each had to pick only 1 door to enter, most likely we wouldn't choose the same door. We would each be drawn to different ones based on our personal preferences and our backgrounds. I might even be surprised at which door you would pick and be tempted to think, "what a weird/strange/poor choice" but, that would be because I was only looking at those choices through my perspective, not trying to understand you or your perspective any better!

That got me thinking about an organization I work with whose mission statement starts with the words, "With Kindness...." What an incredible kindness it is toward others when we attempt to adjust our perspective, maybe even just the slightest bit, to attempt to imagine what someone else's perspective might be!  I know what it feels like when someone comes at me with judgement first, but I also know how powerful it is when they approach me with curiosity, and they attempt to better understand my perspective and the kinds of choices I may have faced that resulted in my decisions. That feels like a true gift of kindness!

What kind of a difference did it make in your life when you were met with judgement first, compared to times when someone tried to approach you with curiosity and a desire to better understand your perspective? Are there certain people you encounter on a regular basis that you realize you are approaching them from your perspective with more judgement than curiosity, and what would it look like for you to adjust your perspective so you tried to better understand life from their view?  When someone chooses a different door than you, maybe you could respond with a simple "Why did you pick that one?" or maybe, "Tell me more about what drew you to that choice?"

Here's to adjusting our perspective toward greater kindness this week (even if it's just a little bit)!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.